Sherlock: Oh Shit
by Autumn Reid
Summary: Sherlock cookies don't mix. what will John do when he finds his kitchen destroyed? Rated M for language. i don't own Sherlock


Rating: M (for language)

Pairing: John Watson/ Sherlock Holmes

**Oh Shit.**

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John awoke to the sound of an explosion. He sighed turning over in bed and pulling the blanket over his head before looking out into the natural morning light. 8 am. It was too early for this. He sighed stepping onto the cold floorboards and grabbed his robe to fight off the autumn chill. Why did he leave the window open last night? He thought to himself as he opened the bedroom door taking last night's tea cup with him.

He stepped down the hall and took a peek into the kitchen. "SHERLOCK?!" the man in question turned to him flour splatted on his face and in his curly black hair.

"Good morning." He said turning back to the stove on fire. John scrambled for the fire extinguisher coating them both in the spray as he smothered the flames. Sherlock coughed and John looked around the room as Sherlock looked into his batter bowl.

"Look what you've done. I have to throw it away now." he said. John looked down at the chunky batter disgusted as Sherlock poured the slop into the garbage can.

"What are you doing?!" Sherlock turned back to him holding out a Betty Crocker box.

"Making cookies." He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. John looked from Sherlock to the box.

"Why didn't you call me to do this?"

"I am fully capable of making something as trivial as cookies, John." Sherlock said, his ego bruised. John sighed tossing him the box. It definitely was too early for this. He needed a cup of tea and a shower before he could deal with the man's antics.

"Don't burn down the kitchen" he called grabbing a towel from the closet and stepping into the bathroom.

-(Line Breaker!)-

John sighed as the cool water hit his skin. He didn't particularly like hot showers in the morning, they made him sleepier. He dabbed a bit of soap into his hand rubbing it into his hair before it hit him. He just left Sherlock in the kitchen. What was he thinking? The man didn't cook for himself! Mrs. Hudson had to come by and make sure he ate before John got here, and he just left the man in the kitchen with a gas oven and sharp utensils! John sprinted out of the shower nearly killing himself in the process and threw on his clothes. He turned off the shower head and crept down the hall to the kitchen to hear a loud _Splat!_

John took a deep breath preparing himself for what he may see. He peered inside…and nearly lost his mind. Sherlock looked down accusingly at the beater in his hands. "Sherlock, what the HELLL-" John stepped inside slipping in cookie batter and landing squarely on his bottom to look up and around the room. The walls and ceiling of the kitchen were coated in flour and batter. Sherlock looked over saying nothing as John stood ready to throttle him. He took a deep breath snatching the box away for his destructive fingers and grabbed a new bowl.

"Go away, I'll make them" John said and Sherlock scowled.

"I want to help then." Sherlock said. John growled a bit but the man stood sternly.

"Fine! Get me two eggs!" Sherlock reached into the refrigerator

"Ostrich or chicken?" John looked up as Sherlock held out the massive egg.

"Aren't ostriches going extinct?" Sherlock looked from him to the egg.

"All the more reason to have one." John sighed putting in the butter, mix and snatched the chicken eggs from Sherlock.

He began to mix it until Sherlock snatch it away and John just watched as he stirred the concoction. He closed his eyes placing his towel on a chair and sat down to lay his head on the counter. He must have closed his eyes for a while because when he opened them again the oven was on fire, flames jutting from the machine. John grabbed the fire extinguisher again spraying the oven until it was out.

"You didn't turn the oven off?" Sherlock looked over bored.

"I was preoccupied." he said and John growled again stomping over to snatch the cookie dough.

"WHY IS IT GREEN?!" He screamed staring wide eyes at Sherlock. Sherlock looked from him to the batter.

"It was white a minute ago..." a thick silence fell over the two. "...It's a lovely shade of green." Sherlock offered.

John finished mixing it to hand it to Sherlock. "Hold it. Don't look at it. Don't breath on it. Don't think about it. Just. Hold. It."

Sherlock glared at him. "I'm not a child." He held the batter as John fixed the oven before, after washed his hands again, John plopped down beginning to round the dough into little balls. Sherlock sat beside him doing the same. They rolled the balls in silence John fumed over the mess Sherlock had made. Mrs. Hudson was going to kill him. After they finished John shoved the cookies into the oven. Sherlock watched as he plopped into his arm chair covered in flour.

"Thank you for your help John" John looked up. Sherlock obviously could see that John was angry so thanking him was a precaution. John nodded opening his newspaper as Mrs. Hudson walked in.

"Yoo Hoo." John smiled at the woman. "I got the things you asked for while I was out John." He thanked her keeping her away from the kitchen as Sherlock looked noisily through the bags. John looked in them as well pulling out his new tea and the milk. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY KITCHEN!" John turned to see her shocked face staring around the kitchen walls. Oh shit.

"John, look" He turned to Sherlock who held up a package. "Mrs. Hudson bought brownie mix." Oh. Shit.

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well that was funxD this actually started with the writing prompt "The character has to preform a simple everyday task but finds it impossible."


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